There's something in the water, I do not feel safe
by madaboutcarla
Summary: Title from a song by Hurts. NOM NOM NOM


**For Anna, Millie, Laura, Leonna and Emma.**

'It will be nice to spend a bit of time together, just me and you eh' Peter said putting his arm round Carla's shoulders as they walked towards the Bistro along the cobbled.

'Yeah, it will, spend a bit of tim…'

Before Carla could finish her sentence the drain she'd absentmindedly walked over collapsed beneath her heeled feet, sending her falling from Peter's arms down into the sewers below.

'Carla! Baby, oh my god, are you alright?' Peter shouted as he saw her fall with a horrific crash into the water of the sewers.

'Peter, help me!' Carla cried, her arms flailing in the murky water.

'I'll get some help!' Peter shouted, her frantic cries breaking his heart.

'No, Peter, don't leave me!' Carla screamed.

Suddenly she heard a strange sound behind her, and gingerly turned her head round, her eyes growing wide with fear and bemusement as she caught side of the hideous monster making it's way towards her through the sewer.

'What is that' Carla muttered, but as the monster approached her she saw a familiar pair of gigantically huge swollen breasts, swaying as it walked, and long mass of curled blond hair running down it's back, and worst of all, a fabulously abysmal frown that could have sent Norris Cole to his grave.

It was none other, than the Evasaurusrex.

'Holy shit' Carla murmured, before looking up towards the open drain at Peter, who's face was frozen in shock.

'The Evasaurusrex' he swallowed hard, feeling his throat go dry and stomach flip.

Carla looked back at the monster who licked her lips hungrily.

'NOM NOM NOM" it growled wriggling it's fingers in excitement.

'Carla!' Peter cried as he watched the monster crawl towards his lover.

'Peter please, help me! You said you'd never give up on me!' Carla screeched.

Peter knew there was only one way to kill the Evasaurusrex; to feed it a pork pie.

Peter remembered reading about the infamous Evasaurusrex when he was a young boy. Before the Evasaurusrex was was a monster, it had been a rather unsavoury, overweight human being who had gorged itself on pork pies until it had become so fat they couldn't move and one day it mutated into the most hideous creature, now known as the dreaded Evasaurusrex. The only way to kill it was to feed it the one thing that had made it this way.

Peter scanned the street, his eyes locking onto Roy's Rolls.

'Carla, Carla! I'll be back, I know what to do' Peter said sprinting like never before towards Roy's.

'Dream big sweetie' the Evasaurusrex cackled as it opened it's giant mouth, it's halitosis almost rendering Carla unconscious.

'AHHHHHH" Carla screamed as it bit down on her head, ripping it clean off.

Peter raced back to the drain, looking down at the sight before him.

The Evasaurusrex was contently chewing Carla's mangled remains, only Carla's heeled Stilettos had been ignored and now floated sadly on the water's surface.

'Carla, baby' Peter said, falling down hard on his knees as sobs wracked his body.

'NOM NOM NOM' thé Evasaurusrex said looking up and Peter and licking it's lips.

'YOU! YOU KILLED MY CARLA!' Peter shouted, clenching his fists.

The monster frowned, it's facial featured narrowing and for a moment Peter thought it was going to respond to him.

Then out of the blue it's mouth flew open and the most peculiar sound, a combination of a burp and a roar, was expelled, reverberating through the whole street, shattering windows and shaking foundations.

'SMACK' Peter clutched his face as something small and hard shot out of the monsters mouth and hit him bang on his honker.

It clattered to the floor in front of his feet. Peter looked down and reached for the object, a fresh set of tears brimming in his eyes as he held the necklace he'd bought for Carla back in December before him,.

'Carla, baby… WHY DID I DIS YOUR COOKING' Peter shouted, more at himself than at the monster as he realised if he'd agreed to her offer of cooking him pasta she may never have fallen down the drain and been eaten by the Evasaurusrex.

'It's all my fault' Peter howled, clutching his chest as he realised he would never be able to hold the love of his life again and would be forced back into the past, stuck with his evil, wine loving son and angry, tartan skirt wearing women he wished was not his wife.

Without looking back, he stood up and looked straight into the Evasaurusrex's mouth, before holding the necklace to his heart, and dive bombing straight into it's gaping mouth to be with Carla once more.

The end


End file.
